We all fall down...

This last month has been... hard.  Very hard.  As some of you know, J was in the hospital for 2 days.  He is better now, but it scared me.  It also showed me how much of a disconnect hubby and I have.  I would go into detail, but my hubby is a very private person and well, he would not appreciate it.  Lets just say we are on the rocks... Very on the rocks.

An apology... and changes

Well, there is a bunch I need to apologize for.  For one thing, I have been way overwhelmed and have not been blogging.  I think it was the 3rd kid, moving yet again, hubbies hectic work schedule, N starting school and G just being 2. 

The people I need to really apologize to are my kids and hubby.  Sorry I didn't do something sooner.  (I also have to apologize to several people that I demonized that same medication to...)

You see I have ADHD.  Always have, but I have been unmediated for oh... 10+ years.  I was resistant to getting back on medication.  I saw it as a slap in the face that I wasn't good enough the way God made me, I disliked the transition time while it was taking effect but not quite there yet and the coming off of it, and I felt I could self medicate with coffee.  Well, the truth is NONE of us are "good" enough the way God made us or we wouldn't need salvation, I can live with the transitions for the good of my family, and coffee, though nice, wasn't really cutting it.  So now I am back on it.  It is amazing how much clarity I have.  I had forgotten.  I can actually not be distracted to the point of insanity, which means actually getting a load of dished done before the kids go to bed.

Now it isn't a bed of roses either.  I am reaping what I sowed before I was medicated, but those issues are easier to deal with now.

So like I said, sorry little ones and my loving and oh so patient hubby.  I should have done this a long time ago.

Why Knitting?

It kinda astounds me how few Christian knit.  For me knitting brings me to a still quiet place that allows me to hear God.  I often think: "God knit me in my Mothers womb".

If you are not a knitter you can't begin to understand that statement and how big that is.

As a knitter I discover the perfect yarn or pattern.  I study it, look over it... contemplate it and finally either reject or decide on it.  If it is a yarn I find first, I must now find a pattern.  The perfect pattern, the pattern that will show off how this yarn drapes in this way if it is wool, or stretch if it is cotton.  Then one must also think of how the colors will play with each other if it variegated.  If you find the pattern first, you must then locate the prefect yarn.  Alpaca?  Silk?  Linen? Each will make the finished garment wear differently.  Perfectly.

Then comes the knitting.  The hours of knitting, days on end.  And of course God is perfect, so no mistakes... oh no... no ripping (knitters term for unraveling) that garment because of a dropped stitch or a missed cable.

And then, it is finished.  Bound off, blocked and all the ends sewn in... lovely and made to just your size, the right weight and color that brings out your hair and eyes like no other color can and makes you feel like a million bucks...

I also think I can understand how sad God is with us as well.  A knitter doesn't make a sweater, or a shawl to be put into a box and never seen or worn... God doesn't give us things so we may hide them either.  A knitter may feel sad and angry if the gift that was given was something tossed aside and allowed to be moth eaten.  God wants us to see the things he gives as gifts.  Most knitters love when the recipient gushes over the gift, uses it proudly and proclaims who made it when compliments come.  God too wants us to use the gifts he has given us and wants us to tell the world who gave those gifts to you.

But most of all I think of the fall from Eden.  The stain on the garment that inevitably happens, the shrinking in the dryer or bleach in the wash after you told them how to care for it so painstakingly.  Something that you can't fix or repair, and how the recipient trys to hide it.  How when you ask "why don't you wear it anymore?" they hem and haw and finally tell you what you already knew in your heart.  And in some cases you know a trick, wash the stain out and the garment is as good as new, and sometimes you just have to forgive them and know the garment will have to live with the aftermath... because you know they didn't mean for it to happen.   God is like that too.  We ate the fruit and stained our soul and regardless of what we do we can't keep ourselves from sinning.  We hide in shame, for it but hiding doesn't fix it.  God can forgive us and sometimes he can fix it as good as new and sometimes he won't, but he can do more... better than a knitter he can transform us.  That is not to say he will restore us and make us into what we were before... no.  But you know, if you take that garment and cut here, sew here and add a button here... look!  Isn't this the cutest little tote!


edit to add: I am featured in this weeks Christian blog Carnival!

Money... how we lived under the poverty line

Well, since Melanie commented that she would like to know how we saved money, I thought I would write on it.  Mind you that there is a reason that Christ is 1st in my list of things that keep me sane.  He and his Father really have a part to play in my daily life.  And a serious part at that.

Before I begin I would like to say we did (and still do) tithe every month.  It is amazing the things that happen when you tithe.  In fact, months we forgot to tithe (hubby was the one with the check book so I didn't even know we were not tithing) we were ALWAYS over budget.  Something would always happen.  Once we caught up... strangely we would not only be in the black but we had excess.  Logically it makes no sense, but God doesn't follow earthly logic.

On that note I am going to give my biggest money saving advice ever.  Ready?  I am sure you are not but here it goes anyway... Pray before you buy ANYTHING.  That is right.  Before you even make your list for the store, pray about what you should buy.  Ask God to help you save in your shopping and don't buy it unless you have peace about it.  If the Lord doesn't give you peace... well, don't buy it. This goes for food, clothing, shoes... or my main splurge... yarn.  You will get REALLY good at listening to God too.  I remember a time I was flat out told to go shopping for flour at Sam's Club.  So we did... and guess what, they were having a 50% off sale on flour that day only because they had gotten 1 flat of the wrong sized bags (100 pounders vs the normal 50 pounder) and were just selling them like they were 50 pound bags.  You know what... God delivered. 

The next thing we did was only use cash.  When you were as tight as we were, pennies mattered and going over was not an option.  You will find that you can feed yourself on very little if you need to.  If you feel the need to whittle down your food money go all cash.  No credit, or debit.  For some reason when the cash leaves your hands it feels... different... than swiping a card.  You spend less. 

Now some practical advise on how to get the food (or any category) budget lower.  You take your cash and then you take an envelope and put 25 to 50 dollars in the envelope.  Now go hide the envelope in the freezer, a shoe box, or anywhere where you will remember it.  Now go for the month and if you need to raid the money do so, but really try not to.  Do this for several months and you will find yourself raiding less and less.  When you can do this for about 3 month straight just take that amount out of the budget for that area of spending.  And start all over again.  Now this doesn't help you when you are in the hole already and have to make a quick buck this is more a lifestyle change and it happens slowly.

I hope anyone who reads this finds it useful.  If you have any questions just ask below.

Teaching about God.

If you wanted to teach your child to read what would you do?

A) Spend time going over the ABC's/spelling, get age appropriate books, help them read through them, and read to you child.

B) Send them to the library once a week for an hour and hope they learned something.

C) Read to yourself, and hope they just happen to pick it up.

Kinda obvious that A is the best answer, but many parents teach about God by only doing B and/or C. You send your child to Sunday school once a week and/or go to Bible Study yourself and hope that somehow your child will just "pick up" information about God. This doesn't work. in most cases.

You need to actually teach about God. And someone made it easy! Family Time Training has a goal to help families train their kids from preschool up. They even have a free activity every month. Go check them out. Think of it as actually giving you child working ideas on how God works and how Jesus work.

The blame game

I have been looking for a Christian based weekly meme for a while. If you know of others PLEASE comment below about them! If you want to join in check it out at Internet Cafe Devotions. This week's question is as follows:

How would my life look if I no longer struggled with taking responsibility for my actions? What if I was completely free from blaming others for my actions through Christ’s power…


I am going to start by saying that I am terrible at blaming people for my mistakes. TERRIBLE! I blamed the pregnancy for not disciplining and teaching my daughter. I blame my husband for me not having dinner done on time. In fact I have been known to blame my parents for not teaching me not to blame people for my actions!

Now it I might be ok with this but for the fact that under the heat of the moment I spout my mouth off and make a scene. I have been working on this for quite some time (with Christ's help) and have actually come a long way. Sadly I still have a LONG way to go!

If I no longer struggled with this problem I would have a much better marriage and be a better mother. Sure we would still argue but blaming people drives a wedge between people while other forms of disagreements can actually bring people together (that is as long as you handle them properly).

Feeling down

We are poor. And when I mean poor I mean we can get food stamps and Medicaid, Poor. We don't get either because I am just that cool and know how to live on the cutting edge of frugality, but we could.

Most the time I feel like I am winning because I can spend 10 dollars at the grocery store and walk out of the store with 2 or 3 full paper bags of food (usually saving is about 40 to 45% but that is including milk which we drink 3.5 gallons a week take out milk and well it goes up into the 60's somewhere) but lately I have been seeing others doing things and thinking/wishing I could do that too.

Example: The parks here are pay to park and so is the beach. We budget our food/entertainment together and we kinda expect that I will be handed a miracle in being able to feed us every week (which I don't thank God often enough for.. So thanks again God.) and the dollar and hour to go to the park is just not in the budget.

And that isn't the only thing here that is problematic. I can find nothing that is free for kids here in Fort Myers, FL. And it does need to be free, cheap to me means 10 cents or less and 5 bucks is just out of the price range. It seems all the fun stuff costs money.

I know, I am whining and No I don't need nor want your charity (Ok, I do WANT it... but I am not taking it) . In 2 more months we will not be in Fort Myers anymore and we be on our way to Hawaii. We will not be poor either, we will be making 3 times what we are making now (even though it is 2 times more expensive to live in HI). It just is so close to ending and I feel like I can taste it.

It is like making brownies... you can small them long before they are ready to eat, and you want them... you want them now. You know you have to wait but that doesn't stop the desire for them.